In the end, it was these people who provided the outcome to ESC 2011’s final; 43 odd people who read out the votes. Some of them are pan-European famous, other domestically, others are questionable. The star of the show was Anke, the voting mistress - next to her, the 43 peeps look like schmucks.
Here is a review of their one-two minutes of fame this year in order of appearance. I reviewed them on the mirror site on tumblr, but I'm giving you the abridged version as I could be pasting for days...
Russia - Dima Bilan
Dima dressed for the occasion in his Miami vice outfit and a hat of sorts. He name dropped his song title and I obviously gagged. He commented also inadvertently commented on the tastiness of Mika Newton, and how to pronounce Azerbaijan correctly. He passed without issue.
Netherlands : Mandy Huydts
Mandy seems not to have viewed the voting in 1998. I was expecting Anke to drop the infamous ‘long time ago was it?’ line, but not so. The Dutch just don’t learn. [It was 1986 when she performed in Frizzle sissle for the people who were unsure.]
She provided an appropriate line in German, and off she went. Good pause technique between top votes.
Italy - Raffaella Carra
Did she get a big cheer when they introduced her. The woman is a delight. She provided us a clumsy few words in German and off she went. Not sure what happened to her earring or ear piece through the presentation of votes. Passionate woman, fist pumping the Romanian area
Cyprus - Loukas Hamatsas
I wasn’t pleased with this man - he looked fake. He possibly needed to view the technique of presenting votes from the Dutch lady.
Ukraine - Ruslana
Was Ruslana drunk? I thought she was going to take her top off and fall from her chair in the two minute clip. She started by telling us of a 2000 dancers and welcoming us to the Ruslana show. I think she was confused. She gave her countries votes and I was glad to be rid of her.
Former Yugoslavian Republic of Macedonia - Christina Taleska
She started by greeting us with a few words of German, then in Macedonian and then in English. She decided to whisper her 12 points, and then repeated it louder in a fit of giggles.
Iceland - Ragnhildur Jónsdóttir
The most beautiful Icelandic woman ever, Ragnhildur wore a garland of gardenias - very pretty. Got down to the vote presentation quickly. The twelve went to Denmark and sadly the disgraceful Danish man called her ‘mum’ which was uncalled for.
Denmark - Lise Rønne
Lise was alittle bit of a surprise. Before she says a word - you think she wearing her pyjamas, meek, nana hairstyle and ready for bed. Then she booms out a 'Welcome to Denmark' that would wake the eskimos. Rest of very straight forward.
Austria - Kati Bellowitsch
Kati seems lovely and she is one of my favorites - she begins with machine gun garble of German, before catching Anke off guard (Anke looks theatrically startled) and Kati telling her she loves her. The votes continue and Kati blows us a kiss.
Poland - Odeta
Watching Odeta give these votes is like watching paint dry. She seems like she is swimming through treacle (think thick, sticky sugary syrup) and she takes her time to the point that you wish you’d turned away from the car crash.
Sweden - Danny Saucedo
Danny dressed for the occasion; he wore his Eric Saade t-shirt and at one point he pats his little friend on the head. He must have seen Mandy earlier because his presentation of last votes were great. He added an impersonation of Jedward hair which I’m sure the twins would have appreciated.
San Marino - Nicola - Lead singer of MioDIO
He greets us in Italian, first with their ESC song and then with a speech. As you can imagine, Italy gets the top marks and a cheer from Nicola. Happy days.
Germany - Ina Müller
She begins by giving us some sort of choo-choo noise and an arm movement as if she is pretending to be the choo choo train driver. The classic line for the night is “Düsseldorf, Hamburg is flipping out”. Lovely lady - she seems like fun.
Azerbaijan - Safura
Safura greets us with ‘Drip drop drip drop hello hello’. It looks like someone drew her make up on and she is as enthusiastic as a sack of potatoes.
Slovenia - Klemen Slakonja
I think Klemen must be a funny person in his country. His German greeting was somewhat appropriately ‘Wadde hudde dudde da’ - Anke didn’t get it and I’m not surprised. He was everywhere - off the screen to the left and then to the right, possibly the only blight on the ESC scoring program. His interpretation of Paul the Octopus was classic though.
Georgia - Sofia Nizharadze
Sofia looked delightful in red. She was articulate and presented her votes nicely with a decent amount of suspense.
France - Cyril Féraud
A very handsome gentleman who you could listen to for days. The entire presentation was in French (as it should be) and unless you know what he is saying - you need to wait for Anke to provide guidance. Eye candy of the evening for those interested in that kind of thing.
Croatia - * not sure *
I don't like her hair. No hitches with this woman either. She paid no notice to Dima Bilan’s instruction and gave 10 points to Azer-bay-jian.
Belarus - Leila Something
Another attractive chick in red - lots of head shaking that if you watch closely, the earrings will hypnotise you and you will take her to your leader... any leader.
Albania - Count Dracula
He got a cheer, but I don't know why. I think cause he turns up every year and doesn’t disgrace himself. Wore a startling shirt.
Malta - Kelly Shembry
She isn’t Maltese and she sounds bored outside of her mind. (like a modern day teenager who thinks that they are better than you but isn't). Another girl in red.
Portugal - Ioanna
A very pretty lady from Portugal, showed a good grasp of her english and gave a woohoo during one set of votes and chang-chang-cha-chang after another.
Hungary - Eva Novodomszky
Eva must be one of the most beautiful women in Hungary. She seem a little embarrassed to give the 12 points to poor Iceland, but she gave a big smile anyway.
Bosnia-Herzegovina - Ivana
Began with a failed 'ohhhh' in line with their participant of the year, and quickly moved on so as not to linger too much. Das Slovenio is an interesting place.
Ireland - Derek Mooney
Derek placed a cardboard cut out of Jedward hair on his head. Maybe he was deficient in that area. I didn't pay too much attention after that. He did some odd hair highlighting actions.
Spain - Elena S. Sánchez
Pretty lady - was concerned that the doily she was wearing was going to fall away. She gave us a ta ta ta chung before her 12 points, must be a South European thing.
Israel - a man who appears to have had botox
I have to say that this man provided the most outstanding string of German words of the standard of Alexis Kostalas (usual Greek presenter). Interestingly, Israel gave their top votes to a part Lebanese gentleman - maybe there will be world peace after all.
Belgium - Maureen Louys
The 2nd and last person to speak to us in French. A bit of a sex kitten, and efficient in her vote presentation. More French language - my tongue fell out again.
Latvia - Aisha
I figure that if they had this chick early on, she would not have drunk too much schnapps. She tried to look cutesy, but Azerbaijan had won so no one care about her anymore as she squealed out the results.
The rest were :
Greece [stunned mullet], Finland [solicitor's secretary], Moldova [wrote on hands], Serbia [longing for Shhhtefan], Lithuania [humourless man], Estonia [sang Sweeeedeeen for 12 votes], Bulgaria [smily lady], Armenia [grinning lady], Norway [gross artic? haba haba], Slovakia [shiny bosom garment], United Kingdom [could do info-mericals], Romania [bland], Switzerland [pleasant, but bland] and Turkey [newsreader].